Life's Bitter Lessons
by Misha
Summary: A look through Petunia's mind as she comes to the realization that she will never be the beautiful, golden sister and that life isn't always kind.


Life's Bitter Lessons   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me! 

Author's Notes- This is my second fic focusing on Petunia. I don't know, I just find her an interesting character. There has to be more to her than we see and I hope I display a little bit of what I think she feels in this. It's a song fic set to Janice Ian's "At Seventeen". I just thought that the song would be perfect for Petunia and thus this was born. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Rating- PG   


* * *

_I learned the truth at seventeen   
That love was meant for beauty queens   
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles   
Who married young and then retired._

"James, this is my mother and father, and my sister Petunia." 

Petunia watched as her beautiful, glowing fifteen year-old sister smiled up at the handsome boy by her side. Lily had brought her boyfriend over for a few weeks over the summer after raving about him all year. 

Petunia looked James Potter and wanted to cry. 

He was the kind of boy that it would be easy to fall in love with. Petunia would be willing to bet that there were lots of girls who had given their heart to him. 

Not that it mattered. 

Petunia saw the way that he gazed at Lily, love shining in his eyes. That was the way it worked. 

Petunia had long since realized that boys like James Potter only fell in love with girls like Lily. 

That only girls like her sister got happy endings. 

_The valentines I never knew   
The Friday night charades of youth   
Were spent on one more beautiful   
At seventeen I learned the truth._

Even though Petunia rarely saw her sister, she knew the life that Lily lead and she hated her for it. 

She hated the fact that Lily, always the cherished one, was surrounded by friends at that school of hers, that she had the love of someone like James. 

While, Petunia spent her Friday nights home alone. 

She had friends, yes, but no boyfriends. No one who wanted to date her. 

She understood all too well why. 

She knew that she was not beautiful, not like Lily. 

Never like Lily. 

_And those of us with ravaged faces   
Lacking in the social graces   
Desperately remained at home   
Inventing lovers on the phone   
Who called to say come dance with me   
and murmured vague obscenities   
It isn't all it seems   
At seventeen._

Petunia used to fantasise about a dream boyfriend. About someone who would look at her the way James looked at Lily, someone who was all hers. 

Someone who Lily would want. 

Of course, she knew that that was not going to happen. She doubted that Lily had ever envied her anything. 

Unlike her who envied everything that Lily had. She had always envied Lily's beauty, her brains, her personality. 

Even her magic. 

Though, Petunia would **never** say it outloud, she had once desperately wished that it was _her_ who had gotten that letter instead of Lily, but it wasn't. 

No, once again, it was Lily who was special, who was gifted. 

It was always Lily. 

_A brown eyed girl in hand me downs   
Whose name I never could pronounce   
said, Pity please the ones who serve   
They only get what they deserve._

Sometimes, Petunia lamented to her friends. 

Though, she never dared tell them the truth about Lily. That she was a witch. 

Instead, she used the excuse that her sister had been sent to boarding school. Which, quite technically, was true. 

Still, she talked to them about how much she loathed Lily. 

They listened, understood. Afte all, her friends were all like her. Plain, awkward, never a part of the charmed world that other girls seemed to live in. 

That _Lily_ seemed to live in. 

_The rich relationed hometown queen   
Married into what she needs   
A guarantee of company   
And haven for the elderly._

Petunia was sure that someday Lily would marry James Potter. 

So, it did not surprise her, when Lily mentioned during the Christmas holidays that year that they had already talked about it. 

After all, James was the kind of guy girls like Lily married. He might be a part of _that_ world, but then so was Lily. 

And Petunia knew that regardless of magic, James would be a considered a good catch in any circle. 

Her parents certainly seemed to think so. 

They had already expressed their approval, having already decided that James was good enough for their precious Lily. 

Petunia wondered if they even cared on the rare occasions that she brought a guy home to meet them. 

_Remember those who win the game   
Lose the love they sought to gain   
Indebentures of quality   
And dubious integrity._

Petunia noticed that Lily was slightly different when she came home for summer the next year, the year that Petunia turned eighteen. 

Oh, Lily was still as beautiful and perfect as ever, but it was obvious that something had changed. 

She was still dating James, but there was a different light in her eyes when she mentioned him. They did not glow the way they had before. 

More than that, she spent a lot of the time fiddling with the green scarf she was always wearing around her neck. 

Petunia did not dare ask any questions, but at the same time, she did not really have to. She could guess. 

This was just evidence that Lily was not all that she pretended to be. That the golden girl had another side to her. 

Petunia wondered if James even had a clue that his adoring girlfriend was not all that she appeared to be. 

But mostly, she just felt hatred. Hatred that had spent years building up, but had never found a portal until now. 

Not until Lily did not seem to care that she was lucky enough to have someone like as James. 

Lily had everything and it appeared that she still wanted more. 

She was spoiled and selfish and Petunia despised her. 

_Their small town eyes will gape at you   
in dull surprise when payment due   
Exceeds accounts received   
At seventeen._

That summer, Petunia met Vernon Dursley. 

He was no James Potter, but he was respectable and he seemed truly interested in Petunia. 

Petunia dreaded introducing him to her family, terrified that even he would compare her to Lily and find her lacking. 

But it did not happen. Vernon did not seem at all impressed with Petunia's beautiful baby sister and instead asked Petunia later if her sister was not just a bit on the strange side. 

That was the moment when Petunia fell in love with him. With the first person who had not fallen at Lily's feet and worshipped her. 

He was the exception to the rule that Petunia had learnt a long time ago and she was determined not to let him get away. 

_To those of us who know the pain   
Of valentines that never came,   
And those whose names were never called   
When choosing sides for basketball._

Sometimes, Petunia saw her sister standing in the doorway, obviously about to say something and then she would change her mind, because Lily would then turn around and leave without saying a word. 

Petunia was glad. 

She knew what Lily wanted to say. For years, Lily had been trying to reach out to Petunia, trying to pretend that they could be the best of friends. 

That would never be true. 

They had been close once, yes, but that was a lifetime ago. Things had changed. 

Petunia knew that she could never be friends with Lily. Not when she despised her so much. 

Not when Lily was so perfect. 

Not when she had never known the pain that had haunted Petunia's existence for so long. The pain of being on the outside, looking in at the life that she know she would never have. 

_It was long ago and far away   
The world was younger than today   
And dreams were all they gave for free   
To ugly duckling girls like me._

As Petunia left her teen years behind her, she came away with a lot of painful knowledge. 

Mainly that life would never be fair. 

She knew that she would never be a great beauty, that the world would never fall at her feet. It just was not in the cards. 

So she fuelled all her energy into being the one thing she could be and Lily could not be, normal. 

She shakily confessed the truth about Lily to Vernon a few weeks before the wedding and was thrilled to discover he had the same opinion of magic that she did now. He wanted nothing to do with it. Nor with her freakish sister. 

Petunia was okay with that. She wanted nothing to do with Lily, with the living reminder of all that Petunia would never be. 

Once she married Vernon, Petunia distanced herself from her sister, only seeing her when she had to. 

One of the last times being Lily's wedding. Their parents forced her to go and all it did was remind Petunia once more of everything that Lily was and that she, Petunia, was not. Lily, the beautiful, dazzling bride, marrying the handsome, adoring groom. 

It was something right out of a fairytale. 

The type of fairytale that Petunia's high school days had taught her did not exist for girls who were not pretty and perfect in every way. 

Once Petunia had dreamed of being that kind of girl. But, if there was something else that life had taught her, it was that dreams did not come true. 

_We all play the game and when we dare   
To cheat ourselves at solitaire   
Inventing lovers on the phone   
Repenting other lives unknown   
That call and say, come dance with me   
and murmur vague obscenities   
At ugly girls like me   
At seventeen._

Their parents died three months after Lily's wedding and Petunia was able to cut her sister out of her life forever. She was able to live the next few years the way she had wanted to live most of her life, pretending that Lily did not exist. 

In those years, Petunia had a son. 

She promised herself that her son would never feel the way she had felt. Never be made to feel as if he could never fit in. As if life was not meant for someone like him. 

Her Dudley would be the center of her world. The way she had never been the center of her parents world. 

Petunia was content with her life. 

Her **normal** life, with Vernon and Dudley. A life that held no trace of anything out of the ordinary. 

No trace of Lily. 

Then, it happened. Lily messed up Petunia's life one last time. 

The news came that Petunia's perfect sister and her perfect husband were dead. That they had been murdered, but that their son had survived. 

Their infant son had been left on Petunia's doorstep, a never-ending legacy of Lily. 

Petunia looked at the boy that first morning and the first thing she noticed was Lily's eyes. 

And she knew then that the boy would always remind of her Lily. That he would be like his parents. Not just in the magical sort of way, but in every way and Petunia swore that he would never outshine her Dudley. 

No matter what she had to do, Petunia would make sure Lily's spawn never make Dudley feel the way she had for so long. Petunia might have learnt a bitter lesson about life when she was young, but she was determined that that lesson would not be repeated by her son. 

No matter what it took for Petunia to see to it, it would be worth it. 

The End 


End file.
